The
Father Visibility Working Group, an ad hoc group of men established in
May 2007, has come together to create a web-based Father Visibility Project
designed to increase visibility and a sense of entitlement to parent amongst
gay/bi/queer/trans/two-spirited (GBQT2S) fathers and prospective fathers.
The group and project spring from the research done by the Gay Father’s
Research Cluster of FIRA (Father Involvement
Research Alliance). Participants in the research
from around Canada noted the extreme invisibility of GBQT fathers and
support services, as well as a deeply felt lack of entitlement to father.
We believe
that you as a gay/bi/queer/trans/two-spirited father, grandfather, or
prospective father:
- Have
unique experiences, insights and wisdom to share that will be valued
by others who are fathers, or are contemplating fatherhood;
- Can
decrease a sense of isolation and reinforce insights, pride and possibilities
for yourself and for other fathers and potential fathers and their
families.
To this
end, the Father Visibility Project is collecting 10 stories with photos
from fathers, grandfathers and fathers-to-be that reflect the ethno-cultural
and geographic diversity of Canadian and First Nations gay/bi/queer/trans/two-spirtied
fathers, and explore the many ways we become fathers. The most convincing
and reaffirming stories are those from men "who've been there,"
or are “going through the process.” Whether you became a
father before coming out, after coming out, are on your way or thinking
about it, consider sharing your insights with those who could benefit
from your journey. All selected submissions will be used in whole or
in part, subject to editing. No one's writing will be changed or used
without his permission.
If you
are willing to write a brief story (300 -1000 words) about your experiences,
challenges, discoveries, and joys of being or - thinking about being
- a gay/bi/queer/trans/two-spirited father, please send your story and
photo submission, including your name and contact information to:
Chris Veldhoven, queerparenting@the519.org,
416·392·6878 x109.
Submission
Deadline: September 30th, 2007.
This web
project is supported by The
LGBTQ Parenting Network - Sherbourne
Health Centre, Queer Parenting Programmes at The 519, and the Family
Service Association of Toronto.
All of
your stories are important. Even if not selected, we thank you for your
generosity in sharing.
Writing Ideas
If
you are looking for ideas on how to focus your story, here are a few
to consider.
__________
We are
looking for stories that cover a range of experiences from differing
viewpoints. Dads, granddads and prospective dads come from many different
backgrounds, circumstances, identities, and experiences. Consider sharing
your insights, challenges and joys based on any of these. Readers may
be isolated and thankful to connect with a story about someone like
them.
For this
project, we are gay, bisexual, queer, transsexual, and/or transgendered
(GBQT2S).
We come
from different ethno/cultural backgrounds, spiritualities, economic
or employment backgrounds, ages, regions of Canada, or are a newcomer
to Canada…
We become
parents and grandparents in different ways, through opposite-sex partnerships/marriages,
step-parenting relationships, adoption, foster parenting, co-parenting,
and surrogacy…
We have
different family configurations, whether we are still with the person
with whom we had our children, are separated or divorced, are on good
terms with our ex’s or not, are lone/single parents, are parenting
with a romantic partner or partners, or are creating families and sharing
parenting with non-romantic partners…
We also
have children and grandchildren with a variety of abilities, talents,
challenges and needs.
__________
Different
readers of our stories may be looking for answers to specific questions
that are relevant to their particular journey. See if there are any
questions below that inspire you.
How
would you answer the questions below for readers who are GBQT2S fathers
contemplating coming out to their partners and family?
- What
motivated you to become a parent?
- What
motivated you to come out?
- How
did you deal with your fear of losing your family, friends, children,
job, or community?
- How
did you take care of your own stress and/or ambivalence?
- How
did coming out affect your feelings about yourself?
- How
did you come out to important people in your life (e.g. children,
partner…) and how did it work out?
- What
resources helped you in your personal journey of contemplating coming
out?
- From
your experience, what recommendations for contemplating coming out
do you have? What would you have done differently (if anything)?
How
would you answer the questions below for readers who are GBQT2S fathers
who have come out to their partners and family?
- What
motivated you to become a parent?
- What
motivated you to come out?
- How
did you choose when to come out?
- If
you are still co-habiting with the other parent of your child/children,
what is your arrangement and how did you come to it?
- How
“out” were you to others at this time? In what order did
you come out to people? To what degree did you come out?
- Did
you affirm your sexual desires or gender identity along with your
identity as a father? If so, how?
- Describe
the lasting impact of your coming out on your relationship with your
children. Which people supported your parenting relationship? Who
did not support your parenting relationship? What did you learn from
this?
- How
did the legal system treat you?
- How
did childcare and school staff treat you?
- What
resources helped you?
- What
would have been helpful?
- What
recommendations do you have?
How
would you answer the questions below for readers who are who are out
as GBQT2S and contemplating becoming parents?
- What
are key questions you asked yourself when considering becoming a parent?
- What
motivated you to become a parent?
- How
has being GBQT2S had an impact on your consideration of becoming a parent?
- What
options for creating your family are you considering and why?
- What
steps are you taking on this journey?
- What
resources are helping you in making decisions about becoming a parent?
- What
has not been helpful or is missing?
- What
recommendations do you have?
How
would you answer the questions below for readers who are GBQT2S fathers
who became parents after coming out?
- Describe
how you created your family / became a parent (e.g. became a partner
with someone who had children, pursued a form of adoption/fostering/co-parenting/surrogacy).
- What
motivated you to become a parent?
- How
did that process go for you?
- How
were/are you treated by various people (e.g. your family, health care
providers, fertility clinics, childcare services, school staff, etc.)?
- What
has becoming and being a parent who is GBQT2S meant to you? What has
been the impact on your primary relationships? What has been the impact
on your relationships with children?
- What
resources have helped or are helping you in your journey?
- What
has not been helpful or is missing?
- What
recommendations do you have?
How would you answer the questions below for readers who are children
of GBQT2S men?
- Based
on your experience, what do you feel kids of GBQT2S fathers need to
know?
- From
your perspective, what helped your kids feel loved, supported, and
not isolated? What helped your kids to sort out what they were experiencing?
- What
resources would you recommend for kids?
How
would you answer the questions below for readers who are family members,
friends, neighbours, or co-workers?
- Have
family members, friends, neighbours and co-workers supported you and
your kids? Describe your experience.
- Based
on your fears, concerns and experiences, what do you want family members,
friends, neighbours and co-workers to know to support you and your
kids?
- What
resources do you recommend for family members, friends, neighbours
and co-workers to build their understanding of your family, life,
and choices?
How
would you answer the questions below for readers who work in related
services, agencies, professions, (e.g. healthcare providers, fertility
service providers, adoption agencies/workers, school/daycare staff,
lawyers, politicians, judges, clergy, etc.)?
- Describe
how key people in these positions have made an impact on your family
or family creation journey?
- What
do any of these providers need to know to respect, support and celebrate
you and your kids?
- What
resources would help these providers become better educated?
How
would you answer the questions below for fathers who are not GBQT2S and
people advocating for fathers’ issues?
- What
common ground and differences do you see between GBQT2S fathers and
prospective fathers, and non-GBQT2S fathers?
- What
do gay/bi/queer/trans dads have to offer other fathers?
- What
do gay/bi/queer/trans dads have to offer groups and services advocating
for fathers’ issues?
- What
do non-GBQT2S fathers and fathering advocates have to offer dads and
prospective dads who are gay, bisexual, queer, and/or trans?
- What
else do fathers who are not GBTQ and fathering advocates need to know
to be supportive of GBQT2S fathers and prospective fathers?
Be
as creative as you like when writing about your experiences.
Thank you for taking the time to contribute to making our realities
visible!
