The 519’s Queer Parenting Programs July 2010 Book Review

Pugdog

Written by Andrea U’Ren

ISBN 0-374-36145-5

Gender. So much is tied up in that one word… bodies, behaviours, play styles, stereotypes, limitations, expectations. And also… variation, and freedom. All this can be found in Pugdog, one of our most requested children’s story-time books.

Mike is Pugdog’s human companion. Mike plays rough and tumble with Pugdog, which they both love… until the vet reveals to Mike that Pugdog is a “she” (read “a dog with a vagina”.) Mike’s confining gender training kicks in and off to the doggy salon they go. No more rolling in the dirt for Pugdog. It’s all about becoming High Femme. After all, Pugdog is a “she”. Pugdog’s sadness grows and then Pugdog takes action. Don’t worry. This is a feel-good book. Mike finally comes around in the end, and a second gender revelation happens in the park.

Alongside Marcus Ewert’s and Rex Ray’s 10,000 Dresses, Pugdog is another of my favourite children’s books celebrating being gender blessed. Great to read to your children in celebration of the fact that people have all sorts of genders, that many people come into the world in different ways, and that we have the right to be loved for who we are. It also simply illustrates for young and old alike how prejudice can lead to depression, and how acceptance and celebration lead to high self-esteem and happiness.

High schools students in a Gay/Straight Alliance recently had me read Pugdog to them during their visit to The 519. Teachers I speak to also love this book. Andrea and your publisher: please re-issue! Your audience is growing.

~ Chris Veldhoven, Queer Parenting Programs Coordinator

In a 1984 interview, The 519’s Helen Rykens spoke to Thom Greenfield, a long-time member and former Board member of The 519:

“The thing I remember most clearly was this issue around Mark Whitehead and David MacLean, who wanted to organize a group for gay youth and wanted the group to be able to meet at The 519. It was the first time that the citizen’s populist movement had to confront the gay presence. This really split the Board and the community, with gays wanting to vote for the group and straights lining up firmly against it. I was in the closet at the time and went into the Board meeting prepared to vote ‘no’. John Argue had gotten Margaret Campbell, the Liberal MPP for St. George, involved in the issue and she spoke at the Board meeting. She thought the community centre should serve gay youth in the same way it would serve anyone else. This helped me to change my vote, though I don’t think any others changed their minds. As it turned out, the move to let the youth group meet at The 519 passed by one vote, and The 519 has never looked back.”

The 519 and its community have been forever shaped by Mark’s life and work.

The 519’s Queer Parenting Programs June 2010 Book Review

And Tango Makes Three

Story by Justin Richardson and Peter Parnell, Illustrated by Henry Cole

ISBN 0-689-87845-1

How many of you out there wish you could have read a story book about your family when you were growing up? I did. My father came out in the 1970’s. My brother and I could find little to no representation of our family. The French film, La cage aux folles (1978), was as close as it got. (I love it still, for many reasons.) This was followed by the cutting-edge account of becoming a parent in Harvey Feinstein’s Torch Song Trilogy (1989).

Today children of LGBTTQ parents don’t have to wait until we can get into movie theatres to see stories about families like ours. During the past 30 years a few children’s storybooks have emerged that reflect some of our families. And Tango Makes Three is one of these books.
This tender family creation tale is based on the true story of a couple, Roy and Silo. They are two male chinstrap penguins at the Central Park Zoo in Manhattan. It follows their journey from nesting together, to hatching a fertilised egg and raising their daughter, Tango.

Their story is popular with families attending our Queer Family Resource Programs at The 519. It affirms the identities, family narratives, and self-esteem of many of our children whose families often face intentional and unintentional discrimination. We also read it in our general family resource programs as it helps all young children to recognise and respect the fact that families come in different shapes with different origin stories.

For those for you looking for a gift for new daddies, And Tango Makes Three is one of the most popular gifts I’ve seen given at Gayby Showers – a phrase I use to describe the emerging rituals many men are creating when celebrating the arrival of their child with friends and family.

Whatever your family looks like and how it came to be, I encourage you to check out this lovely book. Let’s teach our children the dance of respect. Let’s Tango!

~ Chris Veldhoven, Queer Parenting Programs Coordinator

 LGBT Sports: Triggerfish Polo

 By Luxmen Aloysius

Originally from Victoria, British Columbia, Brendan Lloyd became involved in the Toronto Triggerfish Water Polo Club after meeting a member of the club at a party shortly after he moved to the city. “I just mentioned that I knew how to swim” and the member of the Triggerfish Water Polo Club enlisted Brendan to join the club. Having never played water polo before and mostly participating in individual sport activities, such as running and cycling, Brendan was a newbie to the sport. I mentioned to Brendan that I had looked up the rules for water polo and the rules seemed a bit complicated for a newbie to figure out, but Brendan assured me that it’s easy to figure out after you start playing. As for the level of fitness required to participate in the sport, it’s apparently something you pick up as well. “After my first hour long practice, I was exhausted from treading water, swimming and running drills, but after a while you build endurance and it gets easier.”

After four and a half years of being involved in the Toronto Triggerfish Water Polo Club, Brendan is now President of the club and involved in all facets of the club’s operation, from making arrangements for practices, addressing the needs of club members and also being involved in the club’s fundraising efforts, which includes a calendar of some of the team members that is scheduled to come out shortly.I noticed on the Toronto Triggerfish Water Polo Club website that while the club serves the LGBTQ community, it is open to all sexual orientations. I asked Brendan if this was actually the case in the make up of the club. With a grin on his face he assured that there were lots of cool straight people in the team as well. In terms of experience and skill levels, Brendan said that there’s diversity in the skill and experience levels of the club members as well. “It’s an open environment where people of all different skill levels can come and try out the sport. People are very welcoming and patient.” The Toronto Triggerfish Water Polo Club has recreational and competitive components to it. Members can participate in the in-house league, but also have the ability to participate competitively, such as playing against other regional clubs and being involved in the World Out Games, which I hear from Brendan is quite fun.

As for what’s ahead for Brendan and water polo, Brendan said that he’s looking forward to keep playing the game and having fun.

---

This article was written by Luxmen Aloysius. Luxmen has been volunteering at The 519 Church Street Community Centre for the last few months and enjoys being part of the vibrant and diverse community that is the 519 Community Church Street Community Centre. During his spare time he practices law, renovates his house and paints. 

LGBT Sports: Teisha Balgrove and The Not So Amazon Softball League

If Teisha Balgrove is not on the field playing softball, she’s working at the George Brown College Food Bank, studying to become a chartered accountant or hanging out with her friends around the city. As if this doesn’t keep her busy enough, Teisha is also the league secretary - managing the e-mail account, wait lists and helping to get things organized for the season.

The Notso Amazon Softball league brings together lesbian, and queer positive women of all different skills levels to play recreational softball. The women in this group like to get out on the field to play every Sunday afternoon at Riverdale Park West, but they also look forward to lot’s of social events throughout the season. In fact, they do everything from Karaoke nights to marching in the Dyke March at Pride!

The league was overwhelmed with interest for registration this season and for the first time ever they had to close registration early because they reached their capacity. Teisha can’t emphasize enough what a great group of women make up the Notso Amazon Softball league and how important it is for queer women to have such a close knit space to build connections.

For more information on the Notso Amazons and how you can get involved next season visit www.notsoamazon.com

This post was written by Mary-Claire Wales. Mary-Claire started volunteering at The 519 in December 2009. She was involved in the Holiday Book Drive and International Women’s Day and she is currently studying Human Rights and Equity Studies at York University. Mary-Claire is looking forward to being part of the Anti-Violence Program and to finding other opportunities to lend a hand around The Centre.

It’s a gentleman’s game

By day, Lino DiNallo is a senior writer at a downtown advertising agency, creating buzz around words and ideas, including the provocative recruitment poster that went viral. Coming to team sports totally from the blind side is part of the story behind Dinallo and his love of rugby. “To be in my thirties, experiencing this stuff for the first time is pretty fun,” reflected DiNallo. Two nights a week, he’s a rugby prop, more by fortune than his sturdy, solid build. DiNallo says he was not an athletically inclined child, but it’s hard to get that picture now.

How did DiNallo get his start in rugby? DiNallo admits is that he’s known for being willing to try absurdly different things, from stand up comedy to cake decorating (including a fabulous cake he made for his sister’s wedding) to even a stint at gay synchronized swimming – too bad they already had their routine down, but DiNallo admits he’s built to sink rather than swim. It was actually at the Out and Out clubs summer Jamboree a couple of years ago, something stuck: out of the regular solitary pursuits of workouts and jogging, rugby presented something different. A couple of guys introduced DiNallo to rugby culture at the Jamboree, and specifically, the Muddy York Rugby Football Club.

Since 2003, Muddy York has been a part of an international network of gay rugby teams, The International Gay Rugby Association and Board (IGRAB). IGRAB has a collective of over 30 teams internationally with its keynote world championship tournament, The Bingham Cup, which will be taking place at the National Sports Center in Blaine, Minnesota, and Muddy York will be going there to show their side and play their cleats out.

Muddy York RFC practices in the heart of downtown Toronto and plays within the Toronto Rugby Union – playing teams from Barrie, Burlington, Markham, and surrounding areas. Interspersed are games against other gay teams – last year they played an exhibition match against Ottawa, and earlier went down south to play a rather aggressive Minneapolis side – where DiNallo received his first tackle in his first game after the coach put him in the second half “suddenly the ball was in my hand and the next thing I know my feet weren’t on the ground and everything was moving backwards.” Comprised of approximately 25 new and experienced players, including a couple of brave straight guys. “While Muddy York is by no means a leading team, for most of us, it really is about putting ourselves out there and having fun, but we’re developing a more competitive strategy this year,” says DiNallo. The level of commitment ebbs and flows, from the winter months to the summer months, with the time commitment in the summer being higher.

The Toronto Rugby Union, as DiNallo puts it, is welcoming and receptive - there is an understanding that “people are there to have fun, people aren’t going tackle you aggressively, because they don’t want to be tackled aggressively.”

The game of rugby is tough: two forty-minute halves with little stopped time; it’s a running, hitting and strategy game. Rugby began back in Britain in 1823 so that history brings a lot to the sport. “Despite the fact that you’re tackling people on a muddy field, there’s civility to it.” It’s called a gentleman’s game, the goal is to tackle [a player], not destroy them…[to] get possession of the ball.”

While on one hand, the sport is considered a hyper-masculine, aggressive sport - on the other hand it’s a total gentleman’s game. “Unlike some sports where it’s all about rivalry - you tackle someone on the field, and you buy them beer afterwards.”

When asked about the prevalence of homophobia in sport, DiNallo was pretty candid to state that he hasn’t experienced the effects of homophobia in his life, unlike others he knows. Italian and Catholic, DiNallo feels like he’s been very blessed, “I’ve encountered very little homophobia, in high school a little bit.” In fact, in terms of playing in a predominantly straight league, he says “(the other team) knows whom they are playing” and “You don’t talk smack against your opposition.” In fact, last year after a game against a straight team from Orillia, everyone went out to a sports bar in Barrie, and the camaraderie and the teams had a beer or two (or three) together. “It was the ultimate suburban heterosexual male experience,” grins DiNallo.

What has DiNallo learned from the experience so far? “Teamwork.” “Commitment.” And a whole lot of fun.

This article was written by The 519 Community Contributor Fiona Seth. Fiona is a new volunteer at The 519 Church Street Community Centre. Fiona works as a group facilitator in the social service sector, and does yoga and writes flash fiction for fun.

Richard Glaze, Sunday Drop-In and Meal Trans Volunteer

Richard has been a volunteer at The 519 since he attended a holiday party that was hosted here in 1999. Most of his time now is spent helping out with the Sunday Drop-In Program, but he has also been part of the Meal Trans Program for over a year now. Richard first started coming around The 519 when the community centre used to host a weekday lunch that was cooked by a local non-profit organization - it was the lure of good food that first got him interested in the space. He started right in with the Sunday Drop-In and has helped serve over 250 people in one sitting. Richard has also spent time working with the clothing program and at many different Pride events. He currently spends time helping out in the kitchen on Sundays and is always looking for chances to help other new volunteers who use the space get comfortable running things like the dishwasher.

One of the best parts about volunteering at The Center, says Richard, is that it gives you a chance to meet people that you might not otherwise run into. For many people, it gives them a chance to also meet other gay people. One of the best rewards of his volunteer experience has been his lasting friendships and connections with people he has met through using the resources at The 519.  Richard thinks that anybody who wants to learn more about The 519 should find out what might interest them, there is always a place for people to fit in.

Richard’s profile was written by Lee Earl.

Renée Lang, Legal Clinic Coordinator

Renée started her career as a lawyer in 1999. Since 2004, she has been working as a staff Lawyer at HALCO (HIV & Aids Legal Clinic Ontario), a legal service for people living with HIV/AIDs.  She sought out opportunities to be involved in the community and found The 519 through the Law Union of Ontario.

Renée started volunteering her time at The 519 in 2001 and currently coordinates the Legal Advice and Referral Clinic. She feels great that she is able to provide access to legal advice for people that otherwise would not have it. Although time and resources are limited at The Clinic, Renee strives to help everyone that seeks advice and point them in the right direction to take further steps. Moving forward, she would like to continuously improve the organization of the program to better assist the community. She believes that the ongoing operation of ad hoc legal clinics like the one at The 519 are really important and she is proud to be a part of it.

Over the past four months Renée has worked with the Legal Clinic Team to review the policies and intake forms used for the Legal Advice Clinic.  While a daunting task, the changes will allow the people using The Clinic to leave with a written copy of their advice, and to help new volunteers who join the team.

Renee is really looking forward to seeing the renovations completed at The Centre and can’t wait to taste the new menu at the café.

Thanks for your ongoing commitment and hard work Renée!

Renée’s profile was written by Mary-Claire Wales. Mary-Claire started volunteering at The 519 in December 2009.

She was involved in the Holiday Book Drive and International Women’s Day and she is currently studying Human Rights and Equity Studies at York University. Mary-Claire is looking forward to being part of the Anti-Violence Program and to finding other opportunities to lend a hand around The Centre.

Neal Jennings, Tax Clinic Volunteer

“You don’t look like an accountant” were the first words out of my mouth when I met Neal Jennings. Neal doesn’t look like what most people think an accountant should look like.   In fact, Neal Jennings is not your regular accountant.  After working on Bay Street for five years Neal decided that it was time for a change. He opened his own practice and focuses not only on the work most accountants might do, but also on assisting students and professionals to become certified accountants.

When a friend was unable to continue volunteering for The 519’s Community Volunteer Income Tax Clinic three years ago, Neal decided to lend a hand, and he has been volunteering ever since.  It’s clear from speaking to Neal that he has a passion for accounting, and that volunteering at the Tax Clinic is a way for him to use his talents and interest in helping other people.   One of the other benefits of volunteering at the Tax Clinic is that it gives him an opportunity to assist and interact with people in the neighbourhood that he lives in.  “I like seeing familiar faces in the clinic and around my neighbourhood.”

This year, the Tax Clinic will prepare tax forms for over 400 low-income people in the neighbourhood.

While most people consider filling out tax forms to be a gargantuan task (akin to filling out a form in a foreign language) Neal likes filling out tax forms and gets satisfaction from how appreciative people are when he completes their forms.  “People are just happy to have the form completed and to get some money back.”

From talking to Neal it is clear that for him accounting is more than just crunching numbers – which he likes – but it is also a way for him to help people achieve their goals.  For Neal volunteering at The 519’s Community Volunteer Income Tax Clinic helps him to achieve his goal - helping other people achieve their goals.

Neal’s profile was written by Luxmen Aloysius.

Mayumi Cummings, Family Resource Centre Volunteer

Mayumi lives in The 519’s neighbourhood and has been volunteering twice a week since September with the Family Resource Centre. She is a mom who used to come to The 519 when her kids were younger. She originally found out about the Family Resource Centre when two other moms overheard her speaking Japanese to her daughter in the playground outside, and they told her to come by The 519 for crafts and games.

She decided to start volunteering at The 519 now that her kids are older (she misses the hugs that little kids give the best). There are so many games and crafts that she gets to help out with, but Mayumi said she really enjoys being able to talk with new parents and provide a listening ear. She also really enjoys being able to see the changes in the children as they grow and have fun, especially when they start off shy and end up really liking you.

According to Mayumi, every day at The 519 is so much fun. She gets to see people from all different experiences and backgrounds who are able to come together and share parenting tips and other information. She says that it is a great feeling to know that somebody needs you, but also be able to learn from them.

Mayumi’s profile was written by Lee Earl.

Before then, she was living in Montreal learning about trees and birds while enjoying Mont Royal. She likes being silly and having fun in the world with friends, both old and new.